I’ve seen your face before my friend

But I know the reason why you keep your silence up, no you don’t fool me
( . )

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I feel like a dump truck ran me over again and again and again. I hate being sick...hell I hate being sick and pregnant. Not a good combonation. Thankfully its just a likttle head cold and nothing serious. Doctor said to just keep taking in liquids and before I know it Ill be better. Yeah easy for him to say. He threw around the idea of putting me on bed rest for the last 2 months. But after checking how healthy Abby was he decieded against it. Thank gosh, I don't know if I could survive bed rest for 2 months. Can you believe it though...only 2 more months and my wonderful Abby will be here. I can't wait to hold her and just see her. Its the only thing keeping me going these days. I'm doing a lot of my classes online. Walking across campus really isn't in the whole pregnancy plan. I never realized JUST how much I had to walk a day. Its crazy!

It's been about a month since Trevor moved back to Georgia. He left me the house and Bently. He didn't feel right leaving me to fend for myself after he had me move in with him. His landlord was a little leery just because I'm pregnant, in school and still no job. But my mother is taking good care of most things. I hate relying on other people. But not many people want to hire a 7 month pregnant girl who can hardly walk to steps without getting winded. Oh...and before everyone freaks out and talks bad about Trevor for leaving. Please don't. I hear enough of it from my mother. I don't blame him for not wanting to stick around and help raise a baby that isn't his. He took it really hard when I told him it was Colby's. I think the whole disconnect started there. His family didn't take it well either. When we first told his mother I could tell it broke her heart which in turned broke his. So he moved back home to Georgia. And Bently and I are doing just fine. Most days.

He has been extremely gentle with me lately. Usually he is my big goofy, slobbery, nut case. But since Trevor left its like he knows that I need him now to be a best friend type. Star and Talon found a house closer to her aunt. So Bently has been my best friend for going on about a month. He doesn't try to pull me around when we are out walking either. I think he gets it now that I can't be pushed and pulled in my state. I'm falling more and more in love with this dog.

I'm heading back to bed, if I can. Its getting harder and harder to get comfortable at night. Trevor used to cradle me in his arms to where the weight of my stomach wasn't on my back...now...I just toss and turn. Classes can wait a day. I don't feel like doing anything.

And, it's a brand new year. I've been so busy with school to even think about updating this thing. Getting registered for classes as been a nightmare. Along with doctor visits and trying to figure out what I'm going to do when I'm as big as a house. Which...I'm just about there. My 24 week appointment went well. Abby is over a foot long, the doctor said I've put on the right amount of weight. My weight has settled in a slow progress, which is good. It was funny thinking that I was having twins at 8 weeks. Can you imagine how huge I'd be right now if I was carrying twins.

My mother has settled in nicely in the apartment she found. She doesn't want to be five hours away from me anymore. Even more so as my due date approaches. Only about 3 more months, every time I walk past her room, I can't wait until I can watch her sleep. I'm getting anxious.

Me and Colby really haven't talked since I told him about the DNA test. I don't know what is going on there. I'm not even sure how Danielle took the news. I know his sister's were excited. Shaylynn called me letting me know that they got the baby shower invite. I'm super excited. Me and Trevor have the basics, but I can't wait to see what else everyone else comes up with. I'm dying to eat cake...oooo speaking of cake, I have cannolis in the fridge. Abby likes the idea of a cannoli in chocolate sauce.

And that is all that is new in the world of Josie. Abby...Abby...Abby and school. Probably won't change for awhile.

Oh....before I forget...I was bored yesterday and Abby was super active.

( So....enjoy... )

So I've put off doing this because of...well...yeah.

We got the test results back and it's a little girl. I'm so excited. Her name is going to be Abigail Grace Kenyon. I can't wait to meet her. I have her room pretty much done. The main walls were painted darker green, just because we weren't sure about the sex just yet when I was in the mood to paint...but I think the rest of it turned out great!

( Take a look )

( We also got her 17 week ultrasound... )

Hehe...she's a little on the chunky side. No wonder I look bigger then I should

Tuesday...Tuesday...Tuesday. These are the kind of days where I wish I had a job. I'm starting to get stir crazy in that house. I can only take Bently for so many walks a day. My car still isn't done. I knew I shouldn't have brought it to Shane's friend. Whatever Shane gave me his car to use so atleast I'm not totally out of a car. But I still miss my baby. Adam would probably have a fit if he knew somone had hit me. Wonder what he has been up to lately. Last I heard he took off to work for his dad. I don't know I miss bugging the shit out of him.

I went shopping today...seems to be the only thing I do. I got a white sled crib the other day. I figured I can't go wrong with white. Boy or girl white matches with anything and everything. I've also been doing a little planning. The walls I'm going to paint green. And if its a girl its going to have pink borders and bedding and little things with pink here and there. If its a boy...not sure yet. Maybe blues or browns...or orange? Haha can you tell what I want it to be?

I drove past a little dance shop, a shop infact that I've taken Rory to in the past for her dance tutus and shoes. They had the cutest little infant tutu in the window. I wanted to stop and get it...but again...I don't know what it is yet. The waiting is killing me...by the way.

Not sure what we are doing for the 4th. My mom might come here...or we might go down to GA with Trevor's family. Not sure...we are still in the process of talking it out. All I know...is I want watermelon...seriously did I just do that to myself? Now I'm craving watermelon...off to the store I go again!

I figure I should update this thing before I forget and let another day pass. Things have been really quiet around here. Trevor's sister left and the house is actually quiet and not filled with her complaining sighs, groans or complaints about how I cook. I actually miss the girl...just don't tell her that. Cause she might come back and think she could sponge off of Trevor again. I know she drives him batty. He had been so stressed the whole time she was here. It's not that he doesn't love her and want her around, she's young. She likes to party and he worries when she's out. She doesn't know alot of people in this town, and I don't think she was hanging out with the right crowd. Plus, she got bored. Not much to do around here in Charlotte.

Things are going good with the baby. It keeps getting bigger by the day. 13 weeks and counting. I'm excited to figure out just what I'm having. Trevor wants to start with the room and I want to wait until I found it what it is. I've been doing a little looking, trying to come up with some sort of idea. If it's a girl, I think I want to do a whole butterfly theme, maybe. Or flowers or something girlie...but not too girlie? I have no idea. If it's a boy, dinosaurs. HA! I've always wanted to paint a room green and make it into a forest. Hmmm...maybe I could still do that if it's a girl and make it into an enchanted fairy forest. Am I going over board with this? I feel like I'm rambling. My doctor appointment yesterday went well. I've been doing a little research also, as of this week, the baby is practicing how to smile, grimace, frown and squinting. I can't wait until it starts kicking.

( Private )

I feel exhausted. I'm done talking. My endless rambling is done. Why am I awake at 12:40 in the morning?

So I woke up this morning with this empty pit feeling in my stomache. I don't know why I just feel like something isn't right. Although everything is perfect. I dreamt about my dad last night and I think that's why I woke up feeling that way. Hopefully the feeling goes away. I'm not really a fan of it. Speaking of my father though I'm planning on going to his grave today. I need advice and he's the only person I know who is honest with me. Honest and not cruel atleast. Plus I have yet to tell him my news.

Ha...my news. I figure most of you know already. We've tried to keep it a secret but everyone who knows me...knows my mouth is big. So what's my news? I, Josephine Rachele Falco is gong to be a mom. Yup...that's right. I'm pregnant...about 8 weeks in. I'm excited...sure its not planned...but I was once told some of the best things in life are never played. I see this as a blessing...but others think it as a mistake and don't think I'm ready. So of course the A words came up. I'm a little hurt that they would even think that. It hurts that they don't think I'm strong enough for this. I think that's also why I feel like shit this morning. Although I'm excited...I'm afraid and doubtful. A little.

I moved in with Trevor and he's been great about EVERYTHING. I think he's more excited about it then I am really. He can't wait until I have to waddle and he gets the feel the baby kick. There is no doubt in my mind about him. We told his mother this past weekend...I was terrified how she would take it. But even she was thrilled to be a grandma. His sister on the other hand isn't thrilled to be moving out when the baby comes cause we're going to be needing the room for the nursery. But Trevor will be happy to see her leave. Haha.

( Private )

So I know people don't really like pregnant women bragging about their pregnancies...but you know what....you love me. Get over it!

( Belly & Ultrasound )

Doctor said I was a little big for 8 weeks...I blame that on the fried chicken I've been eating. Oh....and I blame it on the baby. Haha...just wait till I get the size of a house. -sigh-

So I woke up this morning to a screaming cell phone. I ended up sleeping through two of my alarms and running about 30 mins late. Oh no...but that wasn't the reason my phone was going off. I had 10 missed calls from my mother and her 11th try had gotten me awake. A little birdie told her that I quit the hospital last night. Hmmm wonder who that little birdie was. Its no secret my mother knows people in the hospital. Hell she used to work there herself. So why does this surprise me? Because I just quit last night. Which means I'm pretty much screwed. She went on and on about how my behavior has been lately. How the daughter she raised would never just fly off the handle and punch someone. She was very disappointed with me. She said she was beginning to think Trevor is becoming a bad influence because all of this has happened since the moment I met him. Are you serious? Trevor the bad influence. Whatever. I let her talk...say her peace before I told her what was really going on and why I've been so...iffy lately. Once she knew the reason...she said she would have punched Julia and knock her ass out too. There is no editing there folks. Got to love my mother. She apologized then instantly voluntered herself to come stay with me. I'm trying to talk her out of it.

( Private )

So I'm jobless and still stuck in this house until I can find a job. I refuse to let my mother keep supporting me even though she wants to. I need to grow up...get a job...make my own money and learn to support myself so maybe one day I can support another. Anybody looking for someone to fill something? College student...with a major in early child education...anyone?

we learned how to kiss and cuss and fight too
better watch out for the boys in blue
and all this small town he said she said
it aint as funny how rumors spread
like i know somethin ya'll dont know
man this shit is gettin old
man mind your buisness
watch your mouth
before i have to knock your loud ass out
no time for talkin ya'll aint listenin
them old dirt road is what ya'll missing

You know...this week just keeps getting better and better everyday. I want to slam my head into my desk. I can't wait till we live for New Bern to see my mom. A little peace and quiet will do us good.

( Private )

I'm skipping class today. Don't feel like puking infront of everyone. Serves me right for eating that many cookies yesturday. Cookies are the devil! I'll be home packing if anyone cares to find me. I feel like a recluse today. Don't even really feel like going and getting the newspaper either...nothing but Trash in there.

I wanna get lost in some corner booth
Cantina Mexico
I wanna dance to the static of an AM radio
I wanna wrap the moon around us and lay beside you skin on skin
Make love 'til the sun comes up… 'til the sun goes down again
‘Cause I need you

Like a needle needs a vein
Like uncle Joe in Oklahoma needs the rain
I need you
Like a lighthouse needs a coast
Like the father and the son need the holy ghost
I need you
oooohhhhh I need you

You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you're up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up
and see who's around then

This ain't where the road comes to an end
This ain't where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

Another day has almost come and gone,
Can't imagine what else could go wrong.
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door.
A single battle lost but not the war.

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round.
A couple drops and they all start comin down.
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
I might hang my head,
I might be barely breathing, but I'm not dead.

'Cause tomorrow's another day
and I'm thirsty anyway
SO BRING ON THE RAIN

I-I-I-I need a cigarette and a bad bitch
Come be my soccer ball and get yo ass kicked
I like my pizza cold, I like my glass full
I don’t like bullshit, but I like red bull
I smell like Guns and Roses
I look like money bitch
I taste like Rock n Roll
I make her lick her lips
And all the drama’s dead
Im in the past life
I forgot her name but I remember last night
You can do what you do
I done did enough
I’m on that gangsta shit
I don’t give a fuck
Weezy

So the events of my day went as stated:


7am - Sleep
8am - Sleep
9am - Sleep
10am - Bed
11am - Bed
Noon - Bed
1pm - Shower
2pm - Shower
3pm - Jaqui's Charity Benefit
4pm - Jaqui's Charity Benefit
5pm - Fell in love
6pm - Pet supply shopping
7pm - Food
8pm - Bed
9pm - Cuddled with Bently
10pm - ? - Sleep with Bently



( Whose Bently you may ask...? )

I blame Jaqui and Trevor blames me...he now has a roommate that drools over me when he sleeps!

When you're all alone boy, I got something to give ya
Will ya play along if I take a dirty picture

So when Trevor left last night I was feeling a little light headed. I hate the way he makes me love that feeling... I went to talk to my mom because I knew she'd have questions, no doubt, why a guy was showing up on my doorsteps with flowers. To be honest I had questions myself, but I guess he just missed me and needed to see him. Anyway...she was already in bed. So instead of waking her up I put my flowers in water. I'm determined to not let these die! When I went to put them in my room I found that box of my fathers stuff on my bed. I knew she was going to put it there I just wasn't ready for what I found. We had gone through it a little before Trevor came over but I looked through it a little more and found this.

( My Dearest Wife )

I don't know how long I ended up crying for. I miss him so much and I'm starting to realize how hard it must be for my mother. I actually don't want her to leave tomorrow to return home. I woke up hugging his box. But I woke up happy. I wonder if he has anything to do with that? Such good dreams...

I come alive in the night time
Okay, away we go
Only thing we have on is the radio

Ooooh, let it play, say you gotta leave
But I know you wanna stay
You just waiting on the track to finish girl
The things we could do in twenty minutes girl

Say my name, say my name
Wear it out, its getting hot, crack a window, air it out
I can get you through a mighty long day
Soon as I go the text you gonna write is gonna say

( Best of Friends )

( And...my mother brought pictures... )